Hi everybody.

In this newsletter: notices for upcoming local gigs, details of our national tour and the upcoming new album, followed by our Jewish joke section.


WHAT: FRENCH TOAST'S LAST NIGHT AT LE GARDE-MANGER!! WHEN: Thursday March 12th  7.30 - 9.30pm WHERE:479 New North Rd Kingsland ( opp. station)  MORE: French Toast is Hershal on accordion, Peter Scott upright bass and Linn Lorkin vocals. Traditional French menu and well-known French chansons to go with it. Quelle ambience! It's changing hands and this will be the last night of live music!! Bookings: 845-1680

WHAT: The Jews Brothers Band at Hallertau Brewery WHEN: Sunday March 22nd  1.30 - 4pm WHERE: Hallertau Brewery Bar & Restaurant. 1171 Coatesville-Riverhead Highway Riverhead, Auckland (09) 412 5555 ENTRANCE: No cover MORE : This is a great upmarket venue with fabulous food and a choice of excellent draught beers brewed on the premises. Long tables inside, where the band plays, wonderful ambience and worth the trip.

WHAT: The Jews Brothers Band at Waiheke Jazz Festival WHEN: Easter Sunday, April 5th, 1.30 - 3.15  WHERE: Morra Hall, Ocean View Rd., Oneroa MORE: Part of the Daytime Jazzabout programme, music from 12 - 5 pm  .

NOTES FROM THE FESTIVAL DIRECTOR, JOHN QUIGLEY: This little festival lives in the hearts and minds of music lovers. I feel in my bones that this is definitely the best line-up I’ve put together in the time I’ve been director – lots of Jazz but lots of other music too – many of whom have never been presented on Waiheke before – Tiny Ruins, The Bads, Nicole Johaenntgen (Switzerland), TJ Johnson (UK), Peter Urlich and his swinging sextet, the list goes on – over 110 musicians, three days and nights – I don’t expect to get any sleep -  what an awesome bunch of musicians! Check out the programme – 


We're hard at work at the coal-face and it's a two-country collaboration, cause we send our tracks recorded here at home in Auckland to Neill Duncan in Katoomba, in the Australian Blue Mountains who adds his sax, vocals and percussion as needed and then mixes.   It's going to be called 'Up in the Borscht Belt" which is the title of a new song about holidaying in the Catskill Mountains upstate, a traditional activity for Jewish New Yorkers for many decades.  It's Bacharach-esque, which is a bit of a change for us but it sure is catchy and the subject matter is right up our alley.  The album will include a quirky version of Istanbul (was Constantinople), a new tune by Nigel called Bozo's Big Flop, a song by Hershal about his violin-playing grandfather called Klezmer, Klezmer and finally, finally a definitive version of our popular Egypt … and ... Happy Feet, in Italian AND in English! Plus a song called When the Band Began to Play, all about those halcyon early days.



(The Jews Brothers Band rides again with one handed saxophonist, Neill Duncan!)

This tour is managed by Arts on Tour NZ which, with support from Creative New Zealand, has been touring great little shows to small towns and communities throughout the land for longer than the band has been eating bagels and singing about them! Please share the info with rellies and friends who live in parts nearby and who would enjoy the band.  Personally, I'm looking forward to playing Okarito, way, way down the wild West Coast of the South Island, as none of us have been there before, it's where Kerry Hulme lives and the venue's capacity,  is 40 max. Should be a fun gig and you can call Debbie on her mobile if you want to book.

For more about the personnel on this tour, band history and the amazing story of Neill Duncan's triumph over adversity, see the attached blurb, aka the media release.   (Gigs marked with an asterisk are not part of the official AOTNZ tour).  

Thursday 9 April 7.30pm
Maungaturoto Country Club
Adults $25; Gold card $20; Students $15; Groups 6+ $20 Book: and door sales  

Friday 10 April 7.30pm
The Riverbank Centre Whangarei
Book: or Whangarei Suit Hire  

Saturday 11 April 7.30pm Kauaeranga Hall Thames $20; pre-book $18 Book: Or Txt 021 912 993 or Lotus Realm Thames  

Sunday 12 April 7pm Senior Citizens Hall Opotiki Adults $22; Children $10 Book: Travel Shop  

Tuesday 14 April 7.30pm Poverty Bay Club Gisborne $25 book: Aviary@PBC  

Thursday 16 April 7pm CHB Municipal Theatre Waipawa Adults $25; $20 Concessions and Groups 8+ 0800 224 224 Or CHB Municipal Theatre  

Friday 17 April 8pm Theatre Royal TSB Showplace New Plymouth Theatre seat $25; Table seat $30; table of 8 $200 Book: TSB Showplace box Office 0800 111 999  

Saturday 18 April 7.30pm Royal Wanganui Opera House Adult $25; Senior $23; FOH $20; Student $15 Special rates for school groups Book: Royal Wanganui Opera House or

*Sunday 19 April 7.30 pm Le Cafe  Picton Door Charge $18 - $50 including a three course set menu

  Monday 20 April 7.30pm Working Mens Club Reefton Adults $20; Student $10; Family $50 Door sales or phone 03 732 8542  

Tuesday 21 April 7.30pm Donovans Okarito $20 Book: Debbie 03 753 4017  

Wednesday 22 April 7.30pm Old Lodge Theatre Hokitika $20 Book: Hokitika Regent Theatre  

Thursday 23 April 8pm Barrytown Hall $20 Door sales  

Friday 24 April 8.30pm The Mussel Inn Onekaka Cover charge: $10  

Saturday 25 April Dinner from 6pm The Playhouse Theatre, Mapua, Nelson $20 Book: The Playhouse  

Monday 27 April 8pm Mike Greer Homes Concert Series Balcairn Hall $25 inc Supper Book: Sally Mac’s, Amberley, Sefton Garage, Stan’s 7 Day Pharmacy Rangiora  

Tuesday 28 April 7.30pm Town and Country Club Geraldine $20 book: At Venue or Tresjoli   Wednesday 29 April 7.30pm Inkbox Theatre Oamaru Opera House $25 + service fees Book: Ticket Direct and Oamaru Opera House  

Thursday 30 April 7.30pm SIT Centrestage Theatre Invercargill $25 Book: Ticket Diect or CUE TV A SOUTHLAND FESTIVAL OF THE ARTS EVENT  

Friday 1 May 7.30pm Aparima Hall Riverton Members $20; non members $25 Book: Riverton Arts Centre Door sales from 7pm A SOUTHLAND FESTIVAL OF THE ARTS EVENT  

Saturday 2 May 8pm James Cumming Wing Gore $25 (concessions available) Book: Eastern Southland Gallery  

Sunday 3 May 7pm The Cellar Door Alexandra Adults $20; Gold card $15; Students $10 Book: Alexandra i-Site  

Tuesday 5 May 7.30pm The Moorings Conference Centre Cromwell Adults$25; SuperGold $20; Student/child $5 Book: Cromwell i-Site

*Wednesday 6 May 8pm Churchills Tavern Colombo Street Sydenham Christchurch $15 Door Sales Only   

*Thursday May 7 8pm ( Doors Open 7.30pm)  Newtown Community Centre,  cnr, Colombo & Rentoul Streets, Newtown, Wellington With support act, The Klezmer Rebs  $30/$20 students, at the door on the night. ( Note: We are coming to Wellington at our own expense, our first time since 2008, so Welly fans, come out and support us, as we're doing this for you! ) Reservations:

*Saturday May 9 Golden Dawn, cnr. Richmond Rd & Ponsonby Rd $5 only cover.  But the fantastic cocktails here at Metro's 'top Auckland bar' are not cheap! A big selection of draught beers though if your budget is limited.


The above will also be posted on both websites, Rouge Records and the Jews Brothers Band and so you can always check these for details too.


"I had the strangest dream last night," a man was telling his psychiatrist. " I saw my mother, but when she turned around to look at me, I noticed that she had your face. As you can imagine, I found this very disturbing, and in fact I woke up immediately and couldn't get back to sleep. I just lay there in bed waiting for morning to come and then I got up, drank a Coke, and came right over here for my appointment.  I thought you could help me explain the meaning of this strange dream."

The psychiatrist was silent for a full minute before responding: " A Coke? That's a breakfast?"


"Did you hear about Shloime Grossbart?" "You mean the Shloime Grossbart with the double hernia?" "That's the one." "The man with the liver condition and the bad leg?" "That's him." "Of course I know him.  He has yellow skin and his head is always bobbing up and down …Anyway, what happened to him?" "He died." "Oy! Such a healthy man!"


Two old friends made a pact that the first one to die will do everything possible to make contact with the other,  The following summer, Mel dies of a heart attack, leaving Dave lonely and depressed.  A month after the funeral, Dave picks up the phone, and it's Mel - just as he promised. "Mel, old pal, it's great to hear from you.  Boy I really miss you.  Tell me, what do you do all day?" "You're not gonna believe it.  I get up in the morning and there's a buffet, eighteen feet long, you can go back as many times as you want. Then you go out to a beautiful meadow,   lie in the sun, you chap a drimmel, a little nap, and then you shtup, you shtup, you shtup, you shtup, and then it's time for lunch - another buffet.  Then in the afternoon a nap, and then more shtupping as much as you want, until dinner.  And then one last shtup before you go to sleep." "Mel, that's remarkable.  I had no idea heaven would be like that."

"Heaven? What heaven? I'm a bull in Wisconsin."

************ For those non-Jews out there, the very expressive Yiddish word 'shtup' (pronounced shtoop, 'oo' as in 'good') will be self-explanatory. 


A man from Warsaw, in Chelm on a business trip, was walking down the street when he was stopped by Yossel, the chimney sweep.  "Zalman!" criedYossel. "what has become of you? It's so  long since I've seen you.  Just look at yourself." "But wait", replied the stranger, "I', - " "Never mind that " said Yossel. " I can't get over how much you've changed.  You used to be such a big man, built like an ox. And now you're smaller than I am.  Have you been sick?" "But wait", replied the stranger, "I'm - " "Never mind that," said Yossel. "And what has become of your hair? You used to have a fine head of black hair and now you're completely bald. And your moustache, so black and dapper.  What has become of it? You know, I don't see how I ever recognised you Zalman. What has become of you?" "I've been trying to tell you," the man replied. "I'm not Zalman". 'Oy, replied Yossel. "You've gone and changed your name as well."

**************************************************  In a small town in the Old Country, the Rabbi died. His widow,the Rebbetzin, was so disconsolate that the people of the town decided that she ought to get married again, but the town was so small that the only eligible bachelor was the town butcher. The poor Rebbetzin was somewhat dismayed because she had been wed to a scholar and the butcher had no great formal education.

However, she was lonely, so she agreed, and they were married. After the marriage, Friday came. She went to the mikvah (a Jewish ritual bath to get rid of impurities). Then, she went home to prepare to light the candles. The butcher leaned over to her and said, "My mother, Hana, told me that after the mikvah and before lighting the candles, it's good to have sex." So they did.... She lit the candles. He leaned over again and said, "My father, Shmuel, told me that after lighting the candles it's good to have sex." So they did... They went to bed after saying their prayers. When they awoke, he said to her, "My grandmother, Rivka, said that before you go to the synagogue it's good to have sex." So they did...     After praying all morning, they came home to rest. Again he whispers in her ear, "My grandfather, Moishe, says after praying it's good to have sex." So they did...     On Sunday she went out to shop for food and met a friend who asked, "So how is the new husband?"   She replied, "Well, a scholar he isn't, but he comes from a wonderful family…


On his first day in America, the new immigrant went straight to the Automat, where he was seen feeding one nickel after the other into the cherry pie slot.    "Are you crazy?" his cousin asked him. " You already have a dozen pieces of pie!"

The greenhorn replied, "What's it to you if I keep winning?"

*************************************************** That's it for now folks, ..phew!... hope to see you somewhere around NZ!

Linn and Hersh


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